The Master Troll, Weev, delivers a masterpiece of trolling

Andrew Weev Auernheimer

It is always a pleasure to see a master at work; and Andrew Weev Auernheimer is not known as a master Troll without good reason. He was arrested, charged with hacking AT&T, sentenced to three years in prison, and eventually released after the case against him was thrown out on appeal. See here for background.

Now he has written to the government and delivered an invoice for the time he spent assisting the FBI. His open letter is full of gems.

His basic argument is that he is entitled to recompense, and that the best way to calculate this would be on his hourly freelance rate. The genius is that while the overall is absurd, the individual elements are all plausible and logical.

I have, over the course of 3 years, been made the victim of a criminal conspiracy by those in the federal government. This was a conspiracy of sedition and treason, perpetrated with violence by a limited number of federal agents to deprive me of my constitutional rights to a fair trial and unlawfully put me in prison.

Each element of that statement is morally if not legally defensible — even the sedition and treason.

Sedition is the charge for crimes which undermine the Constitution with violence. I can assure you that violence was used against me, and the Third Circuit Court of Appeals has already verified that the case against me undermined the Constitution.

Treason is less easily defined, and is not specifically defined by Weev. Nevertheless, it is generally accepted to be an attack against the state by a member of that state — and an attack against the US Constitution can be considered an attack against the state. The appeal court, in dismissing the case, wrote

As we progress technologically, we must remain mindful that cybercrimes do not happen in some metaphysical location that justifies disregarding constitutional limits on venue.
Court of Appeals vacating Weev’s conviction

The implication is that by disregarding the constitutional limits, the FBI attacked the constitution — ergo, treason.

Having made his case, Weev then seeks restitution.

I was taken from my childhood home at gunpoint on January 18th, 2011, and I was not allowed to freely exercise my liberties as a citizen until April 11th, 2014. That’s 1179 days that you used my time that I am now billing you for (I gave you a discount by not including the last day).

The real gem in the whole letter, however, is that he demands payment in bitcoins.

I am owed 28,296 Bitcoins. I do not accept United States dollars, as it is the preferred currency of criminal organizations such as the FBI, DOJ, ATF, and Federal Reserve and I do not assist criminal racketeering enterprises.

This is a masterclass in trolling from a Master Troll. The tragedy for society in the United States is that it is perfectly correct.

Now the government’s answer, or lack of it, will be permanently preserved in the Bitcoin block chain as a matter of public record. PAY ME MY MONEY, YOU LYING SUBHUMAN GARBAGE. You also should resign from your posts, as you’ve shown yourselves to be collective disgraces to rule of law and enemies of the United States Constitution. Those of us who actually love this country should take your places.

A more reasoned argument coming to a similar conclusion was published by Chris Hedges earlier this month:

The government, by ignoring the rights and needs of ordinary citizens, is jeopardizing its legitimacy. This is dangerous. When a citizenry no longer feels that it can find justice within the organs of power, when it feels that the organs of power are the enemies of freedom and economic advancement, it makes war on those organs. Those of us who are condemned as radicals, idealists and dreamers call for basic reforms that, if enacted, will make peaceful reform possible. But corporate capitalists, now unchecked by state power and dismissive of the popular will, do not see the fires they are igniting.
The Post-Constitutional Era